Everyone wants to have a lovely Thanksgiving, but too often the reality doesn’t measure up to our dreams. Here are a few simple tips to help you make the day special without making your life miserable in the process.

Let go of perfection: The Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving paintings are just that – paintings. Probably even his Thanksgiving celebrations had their share of spilled gravy and mashed potato food fights. Focus on the things that are important to you – having your family there, good food, laughter, friends dropping in, and let the rest go.

Pick one special touch for you: Maybe you love having fresh flowers on the table using your mother’s china. Or you dream of making napkin rings using real fall leaves. Let yourself have one indulgent touch, even if the rest of your family doesn’t understand it. And if you don’t have time for that special element this year, let it go. There’s always next year.

Let others help: It’s easy to get caught up in taking charge of everything so that you end up exhausted at the end of the day. Instead, ask others to help out. This can range from having guests bring a favorite side dish to assigning table setting, clearing and clean-up duties ahead of time. That way you can enjoy the holiday too.

Take the time to give thanks: With all the planning, cooking and cleaning, it’s easy to forget the reason for the holiday. But take a minute and think about all the things you have to be thankful for. We tend to take our lives for granted. But this is one day that encourages us not to do that. So be thankful.